Healthy, Like Eating Grape Nuts
I had a frustrating day which has really only been part of a string of many frustrating days. I could be found often this week pulling my hair out in frustration or sipping bourbon when the day is finally done and all I have left is the give up.
I've yelled a lot, worried more and slumped through everything this week with zero energy and self disgust in reflection of my personal failures.
I've decided to ease up on myself, though. I think I'm doing this weird and cruel sort of torture to myself. I set high and often unrealistic standards and then belittle myself when I fail to almost immediately achieve then.
I've decided to control only what I can and release any feelings of guilt or anxiety attached to the rest of it. So, here are my adjustments:
1. Instead if struggling to achieve the look, health and weight I had when I was first married, my husband had been deployed and I was living alone with no other hobby than working out and counting my carbs (UNREASONABLE), I'm going to be happy if I can simply keep my booty and the back of my thighs two separate entities that don't necessarily sit sweatily atop each other. That seems attainable enough.
2. While I love a clean house and the glorious organization that goes with it, I cannot completely control the slovenly habits of the 4 other people I live with. I'm gonna call it a win if we all have clean underwear (mostly), we can readily exit each room in a terrifying emergency quickly and without tripping over Mickey Mouse clubhouses or the shoes that clad the feet of gargantuan children and we don't attract various vermin inside our home due to food particles and/or the overbearing smell of boy's bathroom or dirty dog.
3. Instead of being a rigid schoolmaster of a homeschool teacher, I will be more flexible because while these kids are my own flesh and blood they seem to not care as much as I do for schedules and checklists. Maybe I shouldn't have a melt down if we don't follow the schedule or check it all off? Turkeys.
4. I can expect my kids to mess up daily and my irritation should be limited because of the knowledge that this cause and effect, stumble and get up routine is part of learning. I can't expect them to know what I know simply by telling them. For example, how are they supposed to know not to scale the exterior wall of Hobby Lobby? Sure, I told him. No, he didn't listen and then he bit it. Only four or five more times and that lesson should sink in pretty solid, right? Maybe letting them actually mess up and deal with the consequences is a healthy thing. Just saying that feels healthy, like eating Grape Nuts.
5. Instead of making every event, every holiday, every activity "special" let it BE special. I will prepare our Halloween activities and put together their costumes but I cannot hold that event up to the perfect, jolly, color coordinated, Facebook worthy picture I had in my head. I'll let it be, to take on character, generating its own memories.
6. Instead of trying to be perfect, my goal is to remember that I have been made perfect in Him. No desperate day or fear of my own design could make me that. No effort of mine makes me perfect. I'll try and just breathe, enjoying the fact that particular and most freeing job has already been done.
Ok, I feel better already. Phew!
**The above picture is me on a RARE girls night out the other day when I got to get dressed up and have a kid free girls night with dinner and Tim McGraw. Pretty awesome. Anyway, I was worried about my hair and desperately needed an opinion. Basically this is me trying to achieve this perfect picture in my head and sending it to my sister to make sure it looked good. Eye-roll.
