Heroine

Heroine

In all the shows and books I like, even the movies, there’s something about the heroine or hero I identify with.  That’s a sign of good writing, building a character you can understand and grow to love.  It’s what makes it worth the read, or the viewing, or the binge watch on Netflix when I really should be sleeping.  

I think we all do.  There must be something rich and close to home that keeps us rooting for them because in the stories we really like, no matter the odds, we want them to win.  

In life though we don’t have that perspective.  

We are heroes/heroines in our own story presumably.  If so, even our personal involvement is not quite as intimate as someone looking from the outside in.  We can’t see the future and have a limited view of the past that is seen through a tinted lens, warped by perception and emotion.

I’ve always wanted that though, some insight into the bigger picture when I’m beat down, when I’m struggling.  There’s something so right, so vindicating in someone cheering for you, seeing your strengths and respecting your struggle; knowing your missteps and following you anyway.  When we’re right, and we know we are, it’s almost comical to meet resistance, or at least it would be if we were a heroine in a story. 

Now, in a good story we see all the flaws of all the characters.  The heroine’s resistance is just a guy who doesn’t really understand her or who really messed things up and is nearly swallowed up with regret or a well-meaning mother with her own issues and history.  Maybe she’s met with a new influence in her life that the story paints and dangerous. 

We, privileged with “the bigger picture” understand that all will work out for the heroine in the end, or at least we hope it will.  Injustice towards her is near blatant and we find ourselves emotionally fighting for her imaginary cause while experiencing the emotions of the antagonists as well.

Now, life is not like that.  We don’t have the benefit of hindsight until time has slowly lurched on and so has our complex life story with all the dramatic implications that come with that.  

We fight battles based only on the knowledge we have in our hands not the intricate details of the history of people around us nor the rallying of an audience never seen nor heard but nonetheless cheering.  

So, as I experience struggles and negative influences in my life I feel a bit jealous of the fictitious heroine.  I thought about this last night after watching a silly show about a woman in ridiculous and unlikely circumstances, but I was hoping for success for her. 

At times when I am discouraged I feel alone, like no one really understands that while I’m imperfect, I still have good intentions, that I’m still the heroine in this story and I have a good cause.  As a matter of fact, it’s hard to remind myself of that and not beat myself up for making mistakes.  It’s crippling, that guilt; it keeps you from moving on and fixing the problem you may or may not have caused. 

There are times in my life when I’ve felt pretty worthless and sometimes the people closest to me seem to agree with me and certainly offer no hope or support.  Let’s be honest, it’s hard to love someone that messed up.  It’s hard to love yourself when you screw up, too. 

God knows our story, though. 

He knows the antagonists and the protagonists and their needs.  He knows His plan for us.  He’s loving us and cheering for us even in those dark times when we’re not sure how the story is going to end up.  He’s loving us with the deepest, purest, most sincere kind of love because He invented it. 
If you’re in those dark days, and you feel discouraged, like even those who should be loving you and lifting you up are letting you down and the worst part is you let yourself down, remember two things. 

One, Satan will use those weak moments to tell you that you are worthless, don’t listen.  Two, God is always with you.  We’re told that repeatedly in His word.  He doesn’t stop loving you, there is always Grace and Mercy even when you fall.  He’ll lift you back up.  Lifting you up may look different than what you imagined but if we restricted God to what we can imagine then we will always come up short.  Ask Him, all you must do is ask. 

This hymn has been in my head for the past few days and I think it’s because I needed to share this post. 

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in his wonderful face,

And the things of earth with go strangely dim,

In the light of His Glory and Grace.”