Used-Tah-Could and Can-Do

“Used-tah-could”

For my non-local, non-southern friends this is a real thing.  Let me use it in a sentence… or ten. 

I Used-tah-could do the splits.  Yup, that’s right; jump splits even.  I Used-tah-could do split leaps and fuetes like a champ.  Well, maybe not split leaps, historically I have trouble getting up off the ground.  Broad shouldered, stalky gals like myself don’t tend to go airborne willingly. 

I Used-tah-could run 10 miles, all at the same time without stopping.  I Used-tah-could spend time on crafts and crochet and sewing.  I used tah could get myself up and put together regularly in the morning and used my blow dryer every day not willing to settle for sleeping on a sopping wet ponytail considering the day a win because I actually took a shower.  I used-tah-could care enough about my appearance to actually wear make-up regularly. 

I used-tah-could lift a lot more weight, like with my muscles.  Yup, had those too.  I Used-tah-could hike up mountains with ease and not grip my chest and wish I had some aspirin and morphine and remember the acronym from nursing school “MONA”.

I used-tah-could rely on a functioning thyroid to not crap out and to actually metabolize my food and keep me sane; not riddled with non-descript weird symptoms that few people understand, most people thinking I’m just getting old and fat and depressed like a lot of my blood relatives.

I used-tah-could sit up without being reminded of holding three, precious, giant, healthy babies in my belly and also being so short waisted my muscles, 5 years later, still won’t pull themselves back into alignment, little boogers.  My abs, not my 10, 8 and 5 year old loves. 

I used tah could keep a house relatively clean and found profoundly gross some things that are now an everyday part of my life such as other people’s dirty underwear or sonic corndog carcasses the likes of which have all been discovered scattered on the floor board in my car at various times.   

I used tah could live dangerously and wait until it was more convenient to go to the bathroom.  That ship has for sure sailed.  I used tah could do a lot of things.  A Jackie of all trades, a tackler of challenges and a doer of many things. 

I’ve been married for fifteen years and I have three amazing kids.  This is the truth.  I don’t have many regrets, that’s for sure but it’s time to buck up. 

I haven’t done much to take care of this body regularly or with any kind of long-term commitment. Sure, I’ve done whole 30’s and P90x and zone diets, yoga classes and many other things here and there but mostly they’re temporary goals I’ve hit and moved on.   

I usually put myself last emotionally, physically, spiritually thinking I was doing God work by letting myself turn into a confused, mush-brained, over tired, short tempered momma who would try a thing and fizzle out like fireworks in 100% humidity.  A lot of hope, a lot of hype and limited performance. 

The thing is, I’m not doing any one any favors.  Who want’s a momma that can’t think straight or stick to her guns?  Or a wife so wishy washy she can’t make a decision?

Well friends, for the most part these things, my used-tah-coulds are no more.  At least until recently I have found that my can-do pales in comparison to my used tah could. 

I’ve made some changes, though; real, needed change in just about every part of my life.  I decided to refuse to believe that dark, unhealthy corners of myself could remain hidden and heal themselves.  They needed light, and water to cleanse to a fine sparkle and growth. 

So, as you please bear with me on this blogging adventure, pardoning the long pause as we just spent the last weeks moving our family out of our house of 11 years and marched forward into a great, wide beyond that will hopefully prove a much needed clean slate; I hope you keep reading as well and I hope to encourage you and myself at the same time. 

I’ve got a lot to say and I hope I still have an audience. 

You see, my used-tah-coulds, some of them are coming back.  There’s some light in those dark corners I’ve neglected and part of me is coming alive again.  What’s sad is that I didn’t realize how dead and dark those parts were until I moved 11 years of junk out of a 2400 square foot suburban home, purging it of not only trash and ridiculous items I had no reason to keep, but also of bad habits and mistakes. 

Life has always had seasons of much needed change and this is one of them! 

My used-tah-coulds, my hopes for the future, my momentum; those are all coming back to be in glorious gleaming abundance.  Except for the splits, of course.  I’m pretty sure those might do more harm than good.  Besides, my ER co-pay is horrendous. 

So, hang in there with me!  I’m going to be doing some blogging on purging, the joy of moving and what it’s like to wake up your russet potato body and tell it to get up at 0530 to exercise.  Cold peanut butter spread on gummy white bread, that’s what it’s like…