Better Than Vultures
I’m sitting in our travel trailer at Eisenhower State Park. My children are being loved on and kept safe by Mimmy and Grandad as the husband and I take a few days to celebrate 19 years of marriage. What a blessing to be able to take this time. I am married to a wonderful, honorable man and I love that I get to take a moment to reflect on how great he is. I do love him very much and am affirmed in the fact that God knew exactly what he was doing when he put us together
It is beautifully and soothingly quiet. Although I love the busyness and noise of being momma to four kids it is such a blessing to sit in the quiet and though I wish I could manage it more often, mostly for my sanity’s sake, I’m trying to be in the moment and soak it in.
It’s cold today. I took a short walk for some fresh air and very quickly my ears got beet red and the cold seeped through my reliable, sturdy old friends, my waterproof hiking boots.
The wind occasionally will blast through rolling more cold air off Lake Texoma tossing with it dry, brittle, brown leaves some of which crackle and pinwheel on the gravel before they rest.
It is still a beautiful place. Even in winter. Even though it’s cold. There are rolling hills dotted with cedar, towering oaks and every once in a while a splash of red winter berries clinging to branches, waiting to feed the next bird that passes by. There are just enough hills to vary the landscape and hide any neighboring industry or city-life.
I mostly hate winter. Spring is my favorite season in Texas. I love the beauty and vitality of it. The broad, blue sky. I love the powerful thunderstorms that crack and reverberate, they remind me of God’s might. I love the hope and resilience of the bluebonnets and paintbrush. How tiny, intricate blooms can creep out of the rockiest soil, where no one dare attempt to grow something or farm. Even when those sturdy blooms give way to the weedy buttercups the season still shouts out hope and perseverance. You can’t help but also hope and persevere.
Even though the temperature might not be so low as in other more arctic locations, now that it’s winter, the humidity usually makes the cold seep into your bones making professional hot bath taker a desirable occupation. If it existed. Romping in the wildflowers seems a distant memory and too far out on some future calendar.
January and February I mostly find depressing. At least, I used to.
I got married in January so now I’ve always got something to look forward to when the trees are black and bare and the grasses turn a golden grey. This effect always seemed so bleak to me. It makes the stark black vultures, hungry for the unfortunate roadside deer stand out more against the light colored landscape, a macabre contrast. Dry leaves pile up and the thorny brush has no green beauty to vindicate it, just thorns and sticks.
Now, instead of a bleak winter, I have memories of happy anniversaries, of our wedding. I can think of those things and look forward to celebrating all our lives have become since that day. Joyous celebrations, births of babies, our life together so far. I dream about all the things to come. That warms me and cheers me. It’s a lot better than vultures.
February used to only house Valentine’s Day, in my opinion the most asinine holiday that ever was. I’ll explain that in a later post I guess. Everyone gets grumpy in the evening in February and is short on vitamin D. Now, each year, I get to celebrate my only daughter as her birthday is the 26th. That little beauty fixed that month for me because now we plan parties and choose what kind of cake we’ll have instead of focus on how the days and sunshine are so short and sometimes cold keeps us from doing things we love like being outside.
The wild Texas weather is so unpredictable. One time her birthday was frozen out and cancelled and another year we were all wearing shorts.
The past 19 years don’t exactly make me an old marriage veteran. I can say, though, I certainly know more than I did almost two decades ago. The past 19 years have had ups and downs, mostly ups. The real beauty of it isn’t romance, though, it’s how two people can commit to the same God given goal and persevere even on the boring days or in the mundane things. During highs and lows but also in the in-between. It certainly has given me additional perspective.
I, we, are all in the middle of a story that’s being written. It might be a series, with days, months, years of storylines that have presented conflict, then resolved, but God isn’t done with us yet.
In our day and age it’s easy to focus on the minute to minute, the day to day. As if each day needs it’s own conflict resolution. Our society, media, technology, every thing moves so fast. The earth God created and the story He’s telling with us in it, isn’t done. We probably won’t see the end coming, either.
I think very seriously about how God tells us to Be Still and know that He is God.
It’s hard to be still.
We have modern daily demands and stressors, few of them physical or life and death, nonetheless we can sometimes feel a daily bombardment. Daily pressure to resolve things and move on. Daily pressure to make sense of what happens to us and to be absolutely certain of our choices.
I watch way too many movies and dramatic shows. In movies and TV shows the story is told in a couple of hours and the writers try to artfully show us something, point us in a certain direction, so that by the end their point is made, their story was told in completion.
That’s not how people and God work.
If I were to sum up what I’ve learned the last 19 years it’s this: it isn’t over until it’s over. As long as there is breath in your body you’re not done cooking. All you could learn or do or give isn’t finished.
So keep working.
Keep committing yourself over and over to doing good things and loving one another and keep looking for hope and positivity. In addition, much like the bleak winter Texas landscape, you sometimes have to seek out the positive and the hopeful things. Sometimes overall, things seem a bit desolate but if you look, you’ll see beauty like the cheery winter berries and the quiet warmth of a fireplace. Look for good things like how warm food fills your belly and how many adventures your favorite hiking boots have actually been on. Ignore the vultures and look for the cardinal perched in red contrast to the grey of the winter branches. Because you’re not finished.
I’m at a high point at the moment. Struggles will come again, that’s life. Each day I’m more equipped to handle them
In the high points, where you’re on top of the world and and in the low points when you have to put forth some serious hard work, keep going. Keep doing. On the best day, when your heart is full and you are in awe of God’s goodness and on your lowest day when your head is in a fog and you just can’t imagine how things might ever get better.
Keep looking for those blessings God is sending you and keep your eyes open to how He is taking care of you. Do you know how your story is going to end? No. Not really. You walk the path He gives you and do your work on your end. The rest? Be still. Know who your God is.
It’s a difficult combination. A difficult balance. Having faith but also continuing your work.
I’ll stand by my motto again and again as it’s applicable here. Even when it comes to finding hope and staying positive, don’t be a jelly fish.
PS- I sure do appreciate you reading this. I’ve been on a writing hiatus for a while and I’ve been so inconsistent. It brings me joy to write and share. For the past 16 months I have been in school trying to finish my BSN after having been an RN for 14 years. So, when the kids go to bed, I have been studying or writing papers and those things have been a priority. Not to mention there’s been getting used to 4 kids, COVID, the husband switching to night shift, broken knee, knee surgery, etc., etc. I’m happy to say that now things are down to their usually level of craziness and I hope to be able to meet my goals by writing more and making more videos. Why? Because I enjoy it. All that said, thanks for being here. I appreciate you.
