My Best Friend, Honesty

Sometimes life is hard.  Sometimes it is veiled in an unspeakable, grim darkness and you can’t seem to shake the shame and regret from your mind.  There are times you look in the mirror and are so disappointed in yourself that you can’t help but wince.  

I think there are times when I look up and feel like I’m lost and I have no idea how I got where I am.

Often it seems that those around us, during our most difficult days, are flourishing.  Everyone seems happy and even keel.  It’s hard to imagine anyone is suffering like you are, especially in our social media driven world, where we all plaster in full view all the good and brag worthy things that are happening or that have happened.  In our day and age, it’s increasingly difficult to see our own imperfections, failings and mistakes, admit them, ask for forgiveness and begin the tough job of overcoming them. 

With my friends and family, I like being the strong one.  I love to help and am so happy when people ask anything of me whether it be advice or to come to their aid.  I like play the part of one that’s respected and wise. 

The truth is, though, I’m just as screwed up as anyone and after the past couple of weeks have had to take a hard look at some of my habits and behavior.  I didn’t like what I saw and even worse, felt the painful ache of disappointing those I love the most because of my failings. 

Things are getting better, improving and because of God’s presence in my life I know I am given forgiveness and Grace.  That’s between God and I, though.  I have a habit of laying down my struggles at his feet, begging for mercy, forgiveness, strength; whatever the situation calls for and mostly to do His will.  Talking to other people, however is just not something I’m comfortable with.  I keep things locked in tight as if that somehow helps me keep my chin up and standing tall.  Until now. 

You see, at another point in this life where I’ve had to pick myself up, brush myself off and move on I may have kept quiet, praying and letting my pride keep things to myself.  I cannot see the purpose in silence anymore. 

Over this brief period of struggle I’ve sat with family members who not only wanted to help me, but shared their encouragement and love and told me I wasn’t alone.  I’ve had new, dear friends, share frankly, openly and honestly and in detail similar struggles of their own.  I’ve had one of my closest friends just let me talk and cry, without judgement or recourse as a true friend does, with no looks of shock on her face or unwarranted words of “wisdom”.  The amount of encouragement I’ve received in the past few weeks has been overwhelming and a soothing balm for an aching misguided soul. 

All of that to say, in a very short blog post, two things.  First of all, God loves you and sent His Son to die to pay for your sins.  You are forgiven; accept His mercy and grace, it’s not just for other people.  Secondly, you are not alone.  We are all messed up.  We’ve all done stupid things that we regret.  Some of us make the same mistakes several times and are still trying to get things right. 

Life is hard.  It can be brutal.  None of us are our profile and cover photos.  There is more beauty, as I’ve learned lately, in honesty, openness and frankness than any Instagram post or facebook live stream. 

So, while I like to keep it light usually and this post seems to be a bit of a bummer, I just want you to know that if you’re in a dark place and feel like you deserve to be there because of the path you were on, you’re not alone.  Reach out, talk to God.  Ask for help.  He will put amazing and surprising people in your life because, yeah, you’re not perfect and maybe you do screw things up now and again but you are a child of God, you are loved.  Remember that Love isn’t a warm fuzzy feeling, it’s an action word.

If I can help you see that light again in your life, I’d love to help you, just reach out.