"AS WE STAND AND AS WE SING..."

This Thursday my husband and I celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary.  Now, I know compared to some that’s not terribly remarkable.  To me, I look around and see peers and family that have struggled around the 12 year mark and divorced and I feel like I’ve risen out of a low valley on my path, thankful that I made it past that and then some; trekking on towards higher heights. 

Now without airing too much dirty laundry, I’ll tell you this year has had more than it’s fair share of challenges.  Celebrating another anniversary seems more genuine than some years past when I take an honest look at it. 

I’ve learned a lot about myself, my husband and my faith. 

I love it when people talk about life like it has seasons.  I believe that is so true.  I’m a different person than I was 16 years ago and I’m ok with that.  I’ve gone from Spring to summer, my leaves have faded into winter and I’m finally budding with new hope again.

I don’t mean that to sound cryptic so let me tell you frankly; we struggled with trust, money and straight up loving each other and those issues crept up on us over the years and turned into a monster that screamed the “D” word.  As a matter of fact I had some well meaning friends tell me what I should and should not put up with; when and where I should put my foot down. 

It wasn’t all bad advice but the idea that someone outside of your marriage can understand and advise is a bit off the mark.  I did have some very trusted people, who know my heart and who I am listen to me in my dark places and in my fear.  They listened and the replies, summed up, were as follows:  Pray, be strong in yourself, trust God and keep working on this thing”. 

Now, how do I tell you how we survived and rejoice in that without faulting others for calling it quits?  Because, I know a lot of women who deliberately made a choice to leave and that choice was all in all better for themselves and their children even though it was a difficult one to make. 

I guess in my silly way I’m trust trying to express gratefulness.  I’m grateful that we’ve worked through that patch and we have better days ahead.  I’m thankful that for the first time in years I feel strong and alive.  I’m joyous that the next argument won’t be the final crack in our broken foundation that ends up crumbling to bits.  I’m immensely glad for an honesty that only 16 years (19 if you’re really counting) together can give two human beings. 

As I blog, as I “pioneer” and do my little projects, go on adventures with my kids, video them and post them on YouTube I’m sharing bits and pieces of me in hopes of encouraging you; to live and do it fully.  Not timidly, or sloppily nor without direction, not with trepidation, but to not waste any time. 

Each time I post I remember something from my childhood growing up in the Church of Christ.  More than one song leader or minister would end the sermon and invitation as we stood to sing.  They would almost always say the same thing, “As We Stand and As We Sing”.  Then, we’d all stand and sing the invitation song in acapella.  Beautiful harmonized four part hymns that sang of redemption.

So, when I post a video or a blog those words are in my head.  It’s an invitation.  To live a life God intended me to live.  Not a perfect life, but a saved one and most definitely a full one.

Marital struggles left me down in a dark and unforgiving place.  I felt stuck, miserable.  As we moved on, albeit in slow scary steps, things began to improve and they still are improving.  We had to stand up and keep going.  It’s almost like sitting through a really good sermon.  There is personal reflection, a confession of sins and then a decision to move forward.  There is so much joy that comes from just moving on to something more, something new.

“As we stand and as we sing…”

Making things and sharing them with you makes me feel whole.  Being a part of something you make from start to finish gives you a rare accountability and assuredness.  You move on the next thing with confidence and knowledge.

“As we stand and as we sing…”

Taking the kids on camping trips and enjoying God’s creation in a bit purer form than our usual suburban terrain has to offer exhilarates me, refreshes me.  Hiking makes me feel strong and capable.  Passing that on to my kids makes me feel like a super hero.

“As we stand and as we sing…”

Today I guess I’m writing more to myself than to any particular audience.  So, this year my theme is “AS WE STAND AND AS WE SING”.  A personal mantra to get going, live fully, encourage others and praise God.