Spring Forth
I’m reading a novel right now about a midwife in depression era Appalachia. She’s been through struggles and trials in her life and speaks of her grief and loss as it coincides with the seasons.
She says that through winter she was alone. She barely thought or moved or existed through her depression. Then, when Spring came, she “Picked up her bruised heart, stuffed it back in her chest”, and learned how to be alive again.
I feel the same in some ways.
This week has brought the first glimpse that Spring is here and nature is preparing for a flourish of activity as if she’s readying for a very important guest. She’s gathering her nicest, frilliest decor by way of flowering plants and growing vines and patches of soft clover. She’s making sure no patch of ground remains untouched or unwelcome. Spring rains have filled up dry, thirsty creek beds. Tiny green buds are forming on the tall cottonwoods and oaks making them look like soft, cushioned places for magical creatures perch. They give a green hue to the sky and make it’s blue bluer.
Birds are singing different songs, though I cannot tell you how I know that. They just sound different, brighter, excited. Happy chatter. After it has been so cold I wonder where they’ve come from or if they’ve simply thawed out in the sunshine.
The air is a mix of warm and cool as if winter is dissolving or melting into the new breeze that smells of green grass.
Stony hearts of flowering bulbs such as daffodils and irises once buried deep in the dark ground have softened and produced life. Their strong shoots reach up to the surface with purpose and a blossom that is a glorious shout; a precursor to the chorus of blooms that come in singing waves and crowds, the bluebonnets, the Indian paintbrush, the buttercups and red clover.
My heart was bruised and so is my body.
Summer ended with a need to address my marriage, our finances and our future. It was a dark, dark time. It was the beginning of a tough season that required a lot of prayer. There were a lot of moments when I didn’t know what the next day would bring. God filled me with hope on some days and sometimes the very next day my faith was tested in ways I’d never dreamed.
We sold our house, we purged all unnecessary clutter both emotional and physical. We took a good, hard look around us and decided how we would move on together.
God consistently sent us what we needed to get through a tough “winter” whether it was people or things, he always provided.
Recommitted to our family’s future that season turned from dark stillness to that of action. We were trudging through making changes so that this family can be where God wants us. A blessed Christmas came and went. Emotions were no longer running high. The time for growth and change by fire was over.
Then, we set to trudging along towards goals, hopes and dreams.
As of this week, we are officially debt free. I never thought I’d see that day come much less after our whole existence had such a huge shakedown. Praise God for all of it.
I’m standing in a different place now.
The battle scars of stress and trauma I wore, wounded, in the form of self neglect. I can see them still. I’ve been ill. I’ve overweight. I’m tired. We’ve all had our share of illness and injury as well and I wonder if we are all more susceptible because things have been so wild.
Now it’s Spring. It’s a time of renewal and hope. My body is bruised from neglect and my heart is healing. With the hopeful sun on my face and a prayer, it’s time to heal. It’s time to stuff my heart back into my chest and live.
Spring reminds me that growth, especially when sown from darkness and trial, can be beautiful and gentle.
It’s time to heal.
Some folks do this by way of practicing Lent or rejuvenating their faith and hope by prayer.
Whatever you do, it’s time. As we prepare to celebrate Easter and our salvation it’s time to focus on the Grace and Mercy we’ve been given and to move forward with renewed strength.
With the new, fresh breeze it’s time to heal, look to God, take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other towards him. He has given us this glorious landscape in which to do that and we can simply look around us to be reminded of His beauty, might and love.
Nature is readying for a very important guest and it’s us.
