In this my Fortieth Year Part Two
Last week I had sinus surgery and tubes put in my ears in order to address some long-standing issues I’ve been having. The outpatient surgery went well, and I spent the majority of last week in my husband’s cushy recliner in our living room in between saline rinses and old episodes of Medium on Amazon Prime. I tried to concentrate on crochet or reading but being dizzy kind of complicates those things.
My kiddos, myself and my house have been lovingly taken care of my husband and his parents.
My husband was great and made sure I made it through. Times like this are really good reminder of his good qualities and why God sent him to me in the first place; even though that was just about twenty years ago.
He can be strong, steadfast and noble exactly when the moment warrants it; a pillar in distress. I’m certain this is one of his attributes that makes him an excellent police officer.
I hope one of the take-aways from this week is to remember those good qualities in him and be thankful for them when the hum-drum frustrations of everyday life in our house are yelling a bit louder than they are. I think that’s a challenge of sharing a whole lifetime with someone. Sometimes the special in another person gets a bit overshadowed and that is a huge shame.
In reference to “Embracing Imperfection” week two, I wanted to tell you about my oldest son.
Yesterday, I really tried get back to normal. I tried to take on all the mom and wife things I am usually responsible for. One of those things was getting a little sunshine and exercise for myself and my boys while my daughter finished her last day of Kindergarten. We drove to a neighborhood trail that we hadn’t tried before and began to explore with Ty and Buford, our loyal hounds.
I was trying to take it slow and enjoy the sunshine. The day before was filled with storms and tornado sirens and waiting to see if we needed to take cover. The sunshine was a refreshing change.
About a mile down the trail, even though I was enjoying myself, I started to feel really, really bad.
Now, please understand I’ve been taking antibiotics, steroids, pain medicine, narcotic pain medicine up until about five days ago and am just generally out of sorts since about a week before the surgery. It’s a necessary evil but it’s left me with all sorts of random, albeit temporary, symptoms and distresses. There are far worse things to experience, this I know, but I have been nonetheless running at about sixty percent of my full capacity.
Anyway, about a mile down the trail and my body decides to revolt. Illogically, of course. I had sinus surgery. What does this have to do with my guts? Well, friends, it’s all connected and without sharing too much medical or gross stuff that doesn’t gross this haggard registered nurse out but might disgust you, my reader, I’ll tell you I had to stop suddenly, embarrassingly and rely on the mercy, patience and obedience of my soon to be eleven and nine year old.
I wish I could take some credit for how wonderful they both are. It’s a peaceful thought to think that halfway through their raising I might be at least partially responsible for what amazing creatures they are.
In that moment, however, I knew God gave me a huge gift when he gave me these boys. My oldest, in that moment shined in particular.
I was briefly detained on the side of the trail composing myself. My boys stood at opposite sides of me several feet away keeping the dogs busy and watching for other people on the trail
My oldest son waited patiently and quietly until he could see I had recovered. Then he asked if I was ok. He told me we could wait here as long as I needed to in order to feel better. He said if I needed to throw up, that’s ok, my body is just doing it’s thing. He said we could find that bathroom at the park if I had other… needs. ha! I tried to tell him I was embarrassed, and I was so sorry. Sorry for being a mile down the road and thinking we’d be fine. Sorry for being a mom who leans on her kids instead of always and permanently the other way around.
You know what that boy said? He said, “Mom. It’s ok. If Dad were here, he’d say it’s ok. If Mimmy and Grandad were here, they’d say it’s ok. We all get sick and need help sometimes. What do we need to do for you now?”
He then proceeded to offer me everything within his power to give. He said we should go home and he and his brother would be quiet while I laid down. He listed off all the things he was capable of making them for lunch. He said he was good at reading medicine labels and could find me what I needed if I told him what it was. He said he would take care of things while I took a shower.
That boy.
In that embarrassing, ugly moment, when I felt physically bad and emotionally ashamed that kid shined with the Glory of God.
Now, you could argue that I’m making a bigger deal out of this than I should, and you could be right but, have you ever been out in a compromised situation on the side of a public trail with your kids?
I’ll take it. In this imperfect, disgusting moment God chose to shine through my son.
I just love that.
Looking back over this last year, when things have been stressful or hard there has always, always been God. In some way or other His Glory has been shining bright; more than capable of dazzling anyone who notices. Shining farther, brighter and stronger and any piece of human imperfection.
Anyway, like I said before, I’m writing to write over the next few weeks and embracing imperfection! More next week.
